summer 2012

Here is summer 2012... my Sophomore year in college is now over. I made it on the Dean's List this semester, that was quite nice.
A recap on my semester: a new boyfriend named David Yun, whom at the moment I don't really like... I've been feeling weary about him and if I should stay with him...
A closer friendship and finally moving into the Polo Club Apartments with Sally, Jackie, Minji (sadly, Sungcho is leaving after this summer-- darn, graduation ><), and I made my Early Childhood Education program.
This blog is dedicated on my feelings towards David...
So, let us see... it's been a really rocky 2 months... he is just so confusing. Sometimes, I wonder if being with him is more happy or more stressful. I don't know what to think anymore.
To be honest, I've been thinking about just breaking up, maybe that'll make me feel better... but I know I won't be happy. So, if it doesn't make me happy what will? It's just, so complicated.
He never tries to see me, but for his friends he'll fake an injury (literally). Everything is on me, why does everything have to be on me! WHY! I'M TIRED OF EVERYTHING! 

spring break 2012.

I came back from Duluth, GA for my spring break 2012 with Minji, Jackie, and Sally. It was a great vacation. I had an excellent time. We ate a lot and had a major bonding moment.
Though Sungcho wasn't there, she was there in our hearts <3

I feel nervous and yet excited for my decision result for my program. It should be coming out soon. I don't want to start school again, but sadly we will be starting soon. Sigh.

hiding.

I just want to stay in my covers and not get out.

I am fearful of the future, of what might happen. 

I sometimes think, if I don't speak of it then it might not come true.

But, if I do speak of it, it will come true.

The thoughts don't ever stop. It's a constant reminder. But, it seems a bit lighter.

I have a positive feeling, but yet still there is that slight negative glimpse into the life.

I'm not exactly sure the faith, yet. I understand a God exists... right? 

For everything that has happened in my life, I can't seem to step away from God. 

But, I have so many unanswered questions that I wonder about. But, still, I stand by.

I'll hold on, to discover for myself. In the end, whatever happens at least I know I stood by.

Though it may be uncertain, I'm still praying. Because praying helped me. In the past, present, and future.

So, I'll pray and hope my positive feelings come true. Rather than the negative.

To know that you have those people there to support you and love you. Those, are called- Friends. Though I've made great friends in the past, it never seem to have lasted. And I come to college and it's great. But, one common thread I find in myself to others is that, I always feel left behind. I know they like me and really do enjoy my company, but, it was originally them first. And, though it's not called intruding but I feel like I'm just always second. Sigh, I don't even think it's anybody but me. I don't like myself.

I feel like a hypocrite. I just lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore.

I feel unclean. And impure. My self concept is completely skewed. I don't know anymore.